The Void between “Sanity & Me”
And I thought that I am smart and strong now. I know how to deal with Life and the day-to-day offerings it has to present forth me. I believed that I am carrying sophistication and prudence to lead my own life. I was confident that I am deeply and passionately focusing on how to ace every aspect of life.
But. It is not always enough, is it? Something drives me insane. And I have no clue what is it?
Amongst the glorious green mountains, I stand. Roaming in the balcony, and with every step, the easy-breezy breath I take culminates to a blissful moment. That is not it. When you are on a break lost somewhere amongst the magnificent mountains, that peaceful aura comes with your company too.
Holding a cup of black coffee in my hand with no woollen over me and the temperature is touching 12 degrees. “I do not feel cold Mumma. This is one “heaven” of coffee.” And then after a few rounds, the heat frowns within me. “Come, stand next to me. We will share the shawl together.”, and she warms me with her love and wool cover.
..BREAK..__________<<REWIND>>__________ “2 weeks ago..”_________
I was agitated. My mind was overactive, running over numerous sensible and non-sensible issues. I meditated alongside. But something was bothering me deep down. I realised my chirpiness vanished somewhere. Work seemed non-productive for me. At one point in time, and after a really long frame of time, I saw myself stagnant. Not growing. It was bad but things were manageable. When I sat with myself in sheer silence and paused my life for some time, the ONLY realisation that I came across was, “I NEED A BREAK with my family.” But going on a vacation with four working people in a house is not so easy, trust me. Then came the divine 3 days break. Aah! The blessing in disguise. I was so sure I am going to throw everyone into the car and drive them to a place where it would be just us. And no unknown blabbering of other people.
We missed one day out of three. And it was finalised, we are leaving. All of us grabbed all the basics, packed the bags, in the car and vroooooom….
“Par, jaana kahaan hai?”. A very simple yet crucial question. After deep analysis, Kasauli became our destination on our way out of the town. “Wow! It must be cold there. Awesome. Oops! we haven’t packed woollens. Uh oh! ”
_____________________________STOP_________________________________
Papa. Bhaiya. Mumma. Me. One family. One balcony. Same view. Different mindsets. And here we are. Talking our hearts out. Contemplating thoughts. Understanding each other. Letting ourselves open amongst each other. Analysing and evaluating situations. Erasing frivolous issues.
Family is just like a tender sapling. The stronger the roots grow, the easier it becomes for a person to stand strong. When the roots are shaken up rigorously, it affects a person’s entire life that is running, and you can’t stop your life, can you? The first face you see in the morning is the family. And probably the last face to see before we go to bed too. The energy that we carry all day long comes from what kind of vibes we exchange, and the entire day is carried forward with it. It is like a Domino effect. Unfortunately, things spoil psychologically when the basis of our existence is not stable at some point in time.
We all are grown up, living our separate lives, building our own circle and working in our zones. At times, there is a sense of disconnection with the root family. We lose ourselves amidst the crowd. And what lags is the thirteen letters word and the most important part. COMMUNICATION. …
After all the if’s and but’s and this and that, our minds open up. Outlaying your idea in front of the family without any filters and thoughts like “Sab kya bolenge?” or, “They will not like my thought.”, just SPEAK and trust one another. Because this is the only circle that will not break its boundaries. This is the only group where we are tied in a lifelong relationship from birth until death parts us. It is the purest form of love.
….And we spoke with each other with all our love and emotions that bind us strong. When we were all done with it, I sensed something good inside me. It was a delightful feeling. It just felt like I am glowing with my spark again. I could sense that I was back with my sanity.
This is it!
The Void between my sanity and me was filled with ‘joyfulness’.
It came with my family.
We all are happy again.
I deeply thank you God for the love blooming in my family, from now till eternity.
Thank you, Readers,
Kanishka Joshi
